We've all had those times in life where we wanted something so badly, that we could taste it, feel it, or hear it. You know what I'm talking about. It could be the girl of your dreams, the car of your dreams or just that dream job you've always wanted. One thing is for sure, we all have been there.
When it comes to wanting things really badly, the word that comes to my head is ‘desperation'.
From my experience, nothing drives a goal further away from you as desperation.
It's kind of funny though that some schools of thoughts equate being desperate about a goal, or wanting it so badly, is showing the universe or God how serious you are about that goal or objective.
I personally think not. It is my experience that wanting something so badly, or being desperate about it only leads to one making the wrong decisions. You aren't making decisions from the flow, or from joy or gratitude. No Way! When you are in a state of desperation, you are almost on the verge of feeling hopeless, or giving up completely (in a negative sense).
Here's my friend's account of his experiences after leaving university and in desperate need of money and support, and how he overcomes the challenges using the power of letting go:
” I was so desperate for money once, I almost got myself into a money laundering ring. The circumstances were interesting as I look back in retrospect. It's almost as if some force was driving me to make the wrong decisions through financial desperation. Let me go further into details.
My girlfriend of four years at the time had broken up with me, saying that she needed ‘space' at first, giving no obvious reason. When I look back, that was meant to protect me from the fact that she had met someone else who suited her material needs at the time. Note that we were both university students at the time.
So one month turned into three months, and then she begun to drop tidbits about the fact that she had started dating again, by hinting to me that I should start seeing other people. I told her no worries, as I'm in the process of seeking employment, so I'll put that on the back burner.
I was a fairly decent lad at the time, not worrying much about money, and material things. My main concerns were keeping my mind, body and spirit active and positively engaged in beneficial pursuits.
What turned me to the ‘dark side' was the call I received that fateful day from my then girlfriend who only wanted ‘space'. She called me explaining that she'll be sending me some pictures of here with a new hairdo. I was like cool, because she knew I liked her haircuts short. So she sent me the pictures via email, and I saw her in this car; it was a really sexy drop top beetle. I thought it was one of her girlfriends, so I was like “you look sexy in that car. Which girlfriend of yours got this beauty from her rich dad” I said jokingly. Then she dropped the bomb on me. She told me “This is the car of a guy I'm currently seeing. He's owns a successful business and he's in his thirties”. My jaw dropped.
Keep in mind that we're both students. Whatever monies I made in my side jobs, I shared with this girl, because I loved her. I was a few months away from graduating, and was actively job hunting.
When she told me those words, I felt as if I was stabbed in the back. What added salt to the injury was that she considered him a ‘good man' and that I should be happy for her, with her newfound ‘friend'. I was angry, I started shouting over the phone, and then I hung up.
Thus began level one of desperation and depression. I couldn't sleep for two nights as my blood was boiling. So I came to terms with the fact that she moved on. The only weird thing though is that she wanted to keep in touch with me, which I was totally against. I was OK with it for a few months, then around December, things took another turn for the worst.
I received an innocent text at first stating ” Hi, what are you up to this Christmas holiday?” I was like “nothing, just chilling. What about you?” Boy, did I open a world of emotional hurt for myself by asking that innocent question. She proceeded to tell me how she will be going to her new boyfriend's parent's home in the countryside for the Christmas vacation so that he can introduce her to his family.
Note that we were together for four years, while it was only four months she met this guy.”
Enter desperation level two.
Desperation level two is interesting, in that it is wanting fast money, coupled with the desire for revenge and greed.
“So here I was, desperate for cash, and also wanting revenge, to prove that I can get the money also, because, as my ex girlfriend had shown, material wealth was her weakness, and I was on the scarcity end of the wealth scale.
Now I was on a mission to make quick money in as little time possible and to prove to prove to my ex that I could be materially successful also. Terrible combination! Had I accepted the fact that my ego was bruised and I was emotionally scarred, I would have gotten over it quicker. But, apparently, life had other plans for me.”
Letting go of wanting to control the outcome of a situation can be the hardest thing to do, but with persistence, you will be successful.
“I started hanging out with the wrong crowds, engaging in shady financial activity, and considering money laundering. I just wanted to have it all, the money, the cars the women. The promise of huge amounts of money in your bank account for just being a middle man, is very enticing, especially if you are a broke student who has just finished university, and in need of employment to pay your bills.
It was only after my second thwarted shady financial transaction that I realized it just wasn't meant to be and I should walk away.
I've heard stories about divine intervention, but I never experienced such until one day I felt extremely low, having no money, with a wounded ego and heart.
I was crossing the road feeling low, when suddenly the words rang clear in my head: “you are not a loser. You were meant to succeed. All is not lost”. It felt like the scene in Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, where Frodo collapses after the fight with Gollum for the ring, outside Shelob's lair. Frodo collapses, only to be given a hand up by the lady Galadriel of the Wood Elves, whispering words of encouragement to him.
There was more to it, but I was so inspired, that I took another turn in my life for the better.
I ended all communication with my then ex girlfriend who seemed to be getting some sort of twisted pleasure rubbing in my face all the things that her new boyfriend did for her, which I couldn't because of the cost involved. In the New Testament of the Bible, Jesus Christ said “Forgive Your enemies 77 x 7” and “turn the other cheek”. I do that, but I take it a step further, I forgive, but instead of forgetting, I remember, I keep a mental note and chuck it to experience.
I started accepting my financial and relationship situations, and let go wanting to control the outcomes of my life with regards to the goals I set to achieve. I began investing in self help courses, such as the Sedona Method, started meditation, and emotional freedom technique (EFT) tapping.
They really helped, and I continue to practice them to this day.
Going back to my story, after I began the process of acceptance and letting go, I started going out and dating again, and had relationships with three other beautiful young women. I must stress that this wouldn't have been the case had I been desperate for a relationship. It's funny because, the opposite was true. I was not looking for a relationship at all. I was just out for fun.
With regards to my physical, I began exercising more, and was in a better place of physical health. I received frequent compliments on my physique, and how good I looked. Here again, I demonstrate that I wasn't looking to be some sexy stud. I was just exercising because it made me feel more alive, and the gym was a perfect escape for me from my dead end job, and my crappy living conditions.
Now with regards to the financial aspects of my life, the situation was a bit ticklish; I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. What I mean is that I found it hard not to want more money when money was exactly the thing needed to pay my rent, transportation costs and buy food. So that was really a dilemma for me. I struggled with it for awhile, then I gave up on it, never quite letting go of my wanting to control my financial future.
Understand that wanting to control, and actually having control are two different things.
I struggled financially for 3 more months until I decided to head back to my parents' home from the city. My focus was on complete rehabilitation then. But an interesting thing happened: while back home, I received two job offers. Here again, I want to emphasize that I did not want a job at the time. I gave myself six months to regroup myself, and the job offer landed when I didn't consider getting one.”
Thus ends my friend's story. I gleaned so much knowledge from that account, and I hope you the reader, gleans some valuable insight.
Hence my point that wanting something desperately, as compared to wanting it, then letting go of that wanting, seems, in my experience, to push the object of your desire further away from you.
What is it that you currently desire desperately, that the thought of letting go will seem irresponsible? Is it a better career? Is it more money to clear your overwhelming debt? Is it a partner you crave to feel less lonely?
Whatever it is, think ahead 5 years into the future. Picture yourself having achieve that goal. Now, imagine that you are that future self. What would you tell your struggling self in this moment? Would you tell yourself to continue being desperate and needy, and anxious about your goal, or desire? Or, would you, as your future self, tell your struggling self to just relax and take life one day at a time, because eventually you will achieve your goal?
The thing about goals is that sometimes we worry too much, or let anxiety or peer pressure get the better of us. The goal might not manifest when we want it to, but it will manifest. One has to be patient first with oneself, then the universe.
Letting go of one's expectations is the key. This is not to be confused with not taking action. You take the right action, such as set up your dream board, do you daily visualization, say your affirmations, meditate, pray, whatever it takes to keep you in that positive frame of mind. But, you must also let go of the attachment to the expected outcome, because other miracles might manifest on your journey to achieving your goal, which you might not notice since you are so obsessed with that particular goal, and your limited perception of its outcome.
So, take a deep breath, relax, and practice letting go of your expectations so that you will accelerate the manifestation of your goal or vision, or something even better.
There are many courses out there that facilitate in the acceptance and letting go processes. Some of the daily techniques I use are from the Sedona Method and the Silva Life System.